DaRK oNe ZeRo - The Dark Side

What’s weird is I can barely remember writing this… must have been a bad day. Ripped from my LiveJournal. Must have been a bad fucking day. 11:05pm: Restless
I remember the nights when I’d wake in fright
from dreams of knives cutting in me until i bled,
and i knew that the hate inside me fed off the
fear that in my bed i’d be laying dead.
Those thoughts in my head were what I had dread
as i fled from a life i couldnt escape as I’d
cross through the gate where death did await
trying to forget the general hate towards my fate,
always wishing i wasn’t really awake, trying
to shake the stench of the world off of me.

I’ve never been bittter to anyone, I just
wanted them to die.
I only wanted to sleep at night not
having to cry.
I was getting sick of listening
to myself lie.

The only way i could rest in my life
was to pucture a knife in all those
assholes’ that I hated.
I’d want to cut them until they bleed,
get on their knees and start to plead:
“Shit! Don’t kill me! I’m Sorry, I’m not
ready to leave!”, then i’d yell:
“FUCK YOU BITCH, I’ll never forgive
you for the shit you’ve done! It’s funny
how you only apologize when you’re
starin at my gun. There’s no need to
worry though, ‘cause when I’m done
fucking NO ONE will be able to fucking find you!
And nobody’ll see me when you’re thrown into
the deep dark ocean blue.”

I’ll never forgive them for what they did to me.
It’s because of them I wanted to go on a killing spree.
All my life I’ve lost,
at so high of a cost,
and now that my life is gone
I feel so withdrawn from the joy i once had,
the joy that now drives me mad.
( Originally posted on DJ.com [8-15-02] )) 11:04pm: gggghhhhuuu….
Today’s been such a shitty day. I think the thousands of days where I only got 3 hours of sleep are starting to add up. All day i’ve felt about 2 seconds away from jumping out of my skin. I couldnt stand being out of my bed. Sleeping was the only thing i thought about all day, and ironically enough, it’s now midnight and i’m just sitting here nailing away at a keyboard. I don’t think i’ve made a poem (“Restless”) that fast before. It took me so little time, all I did was fucking type. I guess i needed some way to let myself out today or else i would go fucking insane. There’s so much i want to get out right now, but the fact that i’m about ready to collapse seems to be overwhelming me. Sleep may be one of the biggest things in the world that is not taken seriously enough. I feel like i’m going fuckin crazy.
(( Originally posted on DJ.com [8-16-02] ))