DaRK oNe ZeRo - The Dark Side

  Lately I’ve had a lot on my mind… I’m in a middle of a divorce but it’s just so damn hard sometimes. On one of my poems, I wrote that “When I look at (Brad) I see her in his eyes”, and it’s true. Life’s just fuckin tough man. Too tough for me. Whenever I get depressed, which seems to be a lot lately, there’s only three things I think of. One is my son, first and foremost. The second is my best friend, who has always been there for me in the hardest of times. The third I’ve always tried to forget, but just lingers in the back of my mind. That’s what this poem is about.

Seems like lately I’ve been so confused
From all this time I’ve been abused
All this shit I take, All this shit I’ve used
What the hell happened? When I’ve been so used

to this beautiful little life
Dreamed of havin three kids and a wife
but it seems like lately I would rather die
than livin the rest of my life a lie

I remember all the shit I used to say
All the good times with my boys back in the day
when I used to sit on my trampoline and pray
from someone to save me from dismay

But i think that I just try to hard
hopin that my addictions don’t get to far
that I can heal from these scars
when I keel over and look to the stars

And ask for god to gimme another chance
send me an ambulance cause of this sick dance
up this tree, about to fall and hit every branch
I feel like I’m about to drop at a fucking glance

Whatever happened between me and my wife?
I made my mistakes and so did she
I nailed the stake but she twist the knife
now lately my misery has been eatin me

Cause of the mistakes I made
Seems like all the times I prayed
have been totally reversed for all the mistakes I made
It’s like a dumb play that’s never been rehersed

So what the fuck should I do?
If you were me you’d be so confused
so let’s trade shoes and you can refuse
All this shit I’ve always prayed to

Have, you’d think that I’d be glad
Cause I’m finally a single dad
I can finally mingle at
all those places I’ve never been

So why am I so damn mad?
You be me, just come within
my sad mind, all this time thinkin
what a bad dad I’ve been

when my poor Brad
has gotta see his mom and dad
splittin up cause of some sad
slip up, a fuck up,
it’s gotta fuckin rip up

his poor mind cause he’s only three years old
what the hell will I tell him when he gets old?
I know it’s fucked up cause I heard it too
my mom and dad split up when I was only two

the shit always fucked with me, it still does
I had a wife and kid and it fucked me up
now I can’t seem to make up with anyone
cause everytime I wake up I fuck up

all my friendships and relationships
to all these friends I’ve had it’s shit
What the hell am I gonna do with
my life should I just end it?

This is the thirteenth song where Ive talked about suicide
all the rest were about homocide, so you decide,
take this shit through my eyes
have I ever lived my life right?